last week.
It's 3am, 4am, 6am and I'm waking up to your kisses & fingers dancing along my skin readying for a tickle attack. I can't contain my laughter any longer, and you're laughing too. Your arms wrap tight around me. 9am, 10am and we're battling over who's getting up first. You always win, lifting me up off the bed. We're checking our online places and you're updating my Twitter. Hand in hand, we head out to explore the city.

this week.
It's 3am, 4am, 6am and I'm waking up to your scent dancing along the empty space on the other side of my bed. I can't contain warmth without you and wrap blankets tight around me. 8am and I'm battling with the clock over getting up. It always wins and I have to pull myself out of bed. I'm checking to see if you've updated Twitter and you IM me. Badge and RSA key in hand, I head to work.

last week.
It's the end of the day and we're plopping into my beanbag chair that doesn't really fit the both of us and watch Coupling, Burn Notice. I'm looking into your blueblue eyes and finding a stray eyelash but I'm with you, I have no other wishes. You're holding me close and telling me how my heart is beating faster.

this week.
It's the end of the day and I'm plopping into my beanbag chair that suddenly feels too big and watch Castle, Coupling. I'm looking at the blueblue dots of my binary clock marking 11:11 and wishing it was still this time last week, wishing you were still here. You're so far away again and my heart feels beaten.
We celebrated my birthday with the January 18th prix fixe dinner at Aburiya Kinnosuke, a place a few blocks from our hotel that looks misleadingly sketchy from the outside, but Yelp steered us right. This is the most authentic Japanese meal I've ever had.
7 courses + an intermission )

Back in San Francisco was another Japanese food birthday celebration at Tokyo Go-Go, with an ever-expanding table to hold the 21 of us in attendance at the tail end of $3 sake & $3.50 hand rolls happy hour, and on-the-house birthday yuzu cheesecake that resulted in the following bill from our waiter. )

Then yesterday, we went to Benihana where our chef, Caesar, grilled our lunch in front of us and put on a bit of a show:
After spending the whole day fighting back tears, I cried. Before we even left for the airport. Either this is getting harder or I'm getting sappier. I should eat something with more sustenance than a Double Decker bar, but food isn't going to fill this emptiness.

---

Last year, you gave me Paris. This year, New York as you decided to make a tradition of taking me places I haven't been and want to go. My first time on the East Coast, meeting you at JFK after a 7am flight and no sleep, The Big Apple ready for us. Grand Central, Times Square, the Empire State Building, MoMa, Rockefeller Center, Central Park, the Statue of Liberty. And I gave you your birthday surprise early—the Rangers vs. Candiens at Madison Square Garden, 3rd row from the ice.

YATTA!

Rangers vs. Canadiens at Madison Square Garden Central Park Central Park -- Strawberry Fields Statue of Liberty

Then it was back here for more birthday-ing and you met my new co-worker friends and had dim sum with my family. We got you your Cheesecake Factory cheesecake, ice skated, tasted the fine art of St. George Spirits. But mostly just watched movies and tv and laid in each other's arms.

I miss you so so so so so much.
I'm sorry I didn't know you as more than just another beautiful face. I'm sorry I didn't take a longer look when you moved behind the camera. I'm sorry I didn't think to say hi or get back in touch when I randomly saw your comment in my friend's old journal. I'm sorry I didn't know.

We weren't even friends really, so why does it hurt, why do I feel guilty for being happy, angry? He was just an older boy who made 16-year-old me feel like one of the pretty girls.
Fireworks and sirens ring in the new year in the not so far off distance. I'm in bed celebrating the future by re-reading Ender's Game. I decided I wasn't in the mood for small parties or large crowds, or any alcohol after yesterday. So here I am, here is and here's to 2010—may it be as wonderful as 2009.

January


February )
March )
April )
May )
June )
July )
August )
September )
October )
November )
December )
I've almost traveled more in just this year than I have in my life before—London, Paris, Vegas, London again, Vegas again, Portland, Vegas again again, and Arizona. With the exception of Vegas (oh, Vegas), these were first-time visits. 2009 was full of exciting times even though it started with being laid off from LiveJournal. But without that, I wouldn't have landed an awesome new job and won a poker tournament, or experienced meals in complete darkness or on beds while watching acrobatics. Other first-time things I did this year: played paintball, wrote 30 poems in 30 days, was a bridesmaid in [personal profile] xb95 and [personal profile] janinedog's wedding, mastered Asian poses, made panda bread, threw axes, met two of my net best friends from 10 years ago, and sat court-side at a basketball game. There's more, and even more to come in 2010.

Goodbye To You - Michelle Branch
Of all the things I believed in...
I just want to get it over with.
Tears from behind my eyes,
but I do not cry
counting the days that pass me by.
I've been searching deep down in my soul.
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old.
Feels like I'm starting all over again,
the last three years were just pretend. And I say
goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew.
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold on to.

Heartless At Best - A New Found Glory
The twisted thoughts that come out of your mind
are heartless at best.
They keep you from your own recovery, I know.
And now you have the guilt of me on your lips—guilty.
And the crowds silent as a whisper
listen as she recites her scenes.
And one by one with different agendas,
they pull out their sympathy.
And you're still my living proof,
yeah you're still my living proof.
And everyone will remember me
only because of how I twist my words around.

La Vie En Rose - Edith Piaf
Il est entre dans mon coeur,
une part de bonheur,
dont je connais la cause.
C'est toi pour moi, moi pour toi.
Dans la vie,
il me l'a dit, l'a jure pour la vie.
Et des que je l'apercois,
alors je sens en moi,
mon coeur qui bat.

London Skies - Jamie Cullum
Will you let me romanticize
the beauty in our London skies?
You know the sunlight always shines
behind the clouds of London skies.

Still Alive - Lisa Miskovsky
For how long?
For how long
must I wait?
I know there's something wrong.
Learn to lose,
learn to win,
turn my face against the wind.
I will move fast,
I will move slow,
take me where I have to go.

Poker Face - Lady GaGa
I wanna hold 'em like they do in Texas plays,
fold 'em, let 'em hit me, raise it baby, stay with me.
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got.
I'm not lying, I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning,
just like a chick in the casino.
Take your bank before I pay you out.
I promise this, promise this:
check this hand 'cause I'm marvelous.

A Perfect Sonnet - Bright Eyes
I guess I'll have to settle for a few brief moments
and watch it all dissolve into a single second,
and try to write it down into a perfect sonnet.
Or one foolish line.

Vegas Skies - The Cab
If tonight ever makes a difference,
the way that I feel, the way that I'll remember it.
I'll take this down until the glass remains,
swallow the words that I was meant to say.
I've only got forever and forever is fine,
just take your time.
We'll stop the clock together
and know that the timing was right.
All of these guards, they stand tall and defensive,
putting up walls around what was once innocent.
It won't let me in, but I'm stronger than that
'cause you stole my eyes and I'll never look back.

Next Plane To London - The Rose Garden
I'm on the next plane to London
leavin' on runway number five.
Next plane to London,
and I'm missin' him.

1, 2, 3, 4 - Plain White T's
Give me more loving than I've ever had,
make it all better when I'm feeling sad,
tell me I'm special even when I know I'm not,
make it feel good when it hurts so bad.
I love being around you,
you make it easy.
It's as easy as 1-2, 1-2-3-4
There's only
1 thing
2 do
3 words
4 you—
I love you.
There's only
1 way
2 say
those 3 words
and that's what I'll do:
I love you.

The Gambler - Kenny Rogers
Said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right.
You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.

The Rock Show - Blink-182
Hanging out behind the club, on the weekend
acting stupid, getting drunk with my best friends.
I couldn't wait for the summer and the Warped Tour.

There For You - Flyleaf
Sometimes I'm a selfish fake.
You're always a true friend
and I don't deserve you 'cause I'm not there for you.
Please forgive me again.

La La Lie - Jack's Mannequin
Guess what I'm done
writing you songs.
So this is the first verse.
It's not very long,
but I'm ready to move on
Guess what I'm done
writing your book.
So guess what I'm done
drawing your pictures.

Let's Get It Started - Black Eyed Peas
Obstacles are inefficient, follow your intuition, free your inner soul and break away from tradition.
You wouldn't believe how we wow shit out.
Burn it till it's burned out. Turn it till it's turned out. Act up from north, west, east, south.
Get it started, get it started, get it started.

No Cheap Thrill - Suzanne Vega
Ante up, and don't be shy.
Is this winning streak going to be nipped in the bud?
I'll see you, I'll call you, I'll raise you,
but it's no cheap thrill.
I'll match you, I'll bet you, I'll play you,
but it's no cheap thrill.
It will cost you, cost you, cost you
anything you have to pay.

Jamie All Over - Mayday Parade
I had a dream last night we
drove out to see Las Vegas.
We lost ourselves in the bright lights.
I wish you could have seen us
begging for change to get home
or at least San Francisco.
Let's put a ten on the high card
and spend a summer on the west coast.

Grow Up - Simple Plan
This is who I am
and this is what I like:
GC, Sum and Blink and MxPx rockin' my room.
If you're looking for me,
I'll be at the show.
I could never find a better place to go.

This Year - Chantal Kreviazuk
This year, I'll paint my masterpiece.
This year, I'll be recognized.
I can feel like I'll fall in love for real
this year, this year.


2008: Where You End and I Begin )
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